good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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