STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He passed out mid-signature
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize