I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There are leaves in my underwear?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
