you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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