I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
BRING THE BAGELS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
