i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
