I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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