U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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