Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
