i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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