I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
worst night to have a conscience
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
