I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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