If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
