Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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