i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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