so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
