guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
