you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
