My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
