I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
