My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
