Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
