So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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