My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize