How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
