Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
