Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
