Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
