the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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