Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
