I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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