I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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