On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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