so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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