Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
