So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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