Yo dont text me then not text me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize