somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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