Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
