oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
