just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
