This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
