Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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