Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
