Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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