Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got inside last night via doggy door
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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