The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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