My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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