Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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