Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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