Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
