okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
