I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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