i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
