You're completely useless in the revolution.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
