he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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