i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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