My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she woke up with a sticky ear
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
