do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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