The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
