She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
