I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
