my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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