its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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