I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
