Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
