I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize