Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
