and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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