Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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