im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
