Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
