How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
