R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
barbara walters just said penis...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
