kristin has been a bad kristin
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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