the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
