Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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