i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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