Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like a drive thru vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
