who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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