i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
