I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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