I'm so fucking centered right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
