True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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