So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Randomize
