We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my shit smells like andre
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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