I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
