Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
