I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize