You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize