Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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