If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
