We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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