Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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