remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
