Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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