I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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