You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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