are you still at the devil's house?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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