i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
