I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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