i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
