Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
