Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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