are you still at the devil's house?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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