would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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