her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
