I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
